This morning I awoke feeling so sad I actually had tears rolling down my face. My mind immediately began creating stories about why I might be this sad. Maybe a dream I’d forgotten. Maybe fear about what the plants will show me. Maybe shame in dragging my deeply personal sex and intimacy issues to Peru. Maybe this diet. I noticed my mind creating all of these stories and realized that it doesn’t really matter why. That’s how it all starts, and I’m tired of living in stories my mind creates out of experiences it doesn’t understand. I gave myself permission to just be sad. If the reason is important, it won’t be hiding in the shadows long…especially not where I’m soon going!
My morning meditation did not bring any big realizations today. I feel the sorrow passing, though. I saw the dirty water in my Valentine’s Day flower vase and freshened that up a bit, snipping the ends and putting them in fresh water with the remainder of their “flower food”. As I handled and really looked at each one, I found the sorrow moving further away. By the time I put the arrangement back on the table, I was actually starting to smile. I sent love and Light to my sweetheart in gratitude for being here even when he isn’t and for expressing his love in this way.
Every day is not happy and “fine”, no matter how often our silence or anything-other-than-smiling expressions evoke well-meaning remarks that we should “cheer up” or “smile”. I’m ok and I’ll be ok. I’m just exploring a different emotion for a while. For me, learning to live fully in the vast range of my emotions without vices or numbing behaviors or pretending everything is wonderful all the time is in of itself a journey.
Today’s Ceremony Detox Menu: Ah yes, I definitely get why it’s called a bland diet! Will I have the steamed, unseasoned fish, steamed unseasoned veggies, or cold veggies in a bowl without seasoning or dressing? Yes, even the diet is beginning to wear on me, but I’m in. At least I’m drinking more water with less resistance now, and the herbal teas with sliced apple are my afternoon treat. 4 days…
Tonight’s Unplugged Time: Meditations, walking outdoors, journaling, jump rope (how did I do this for hours as a kid…have you tried it lately? Good grief! I’m winded in 5-10 minutes, but it’s still fun!) and silent time in the excellent company of my pets.
Namaste and much love,
Spirit guided me to create this “Countdown to Sacred Plant Medicine Intensive” blog series to help demystify this sacred healing/awakening path while simplifying the dietary preparations by sharing practical ways I am preparing for the Amazon while working and living in a modern society. If something I share sparks your curiosity or interest, please COMMENT BELOW and let’s create a conversation here. I receive no compensation for sharing here but am drawn by my heart to create a safe space and portal of possibility for anyone seeking hope and help to know there are many natural solutions we have not fully explored. Only by searching within and carefully selecting holistic modalities that resonate for us and practitioners who hold their work and healing space sacred can we truly unlock our own amazing journey of possibilities! I am here for you if I can help in any way.