Finally, a nice afternoon! Amazingly I actually wanted to go outside and cut my grass, something I often complain about not enjoying. I set out in a good mood, started the mower, and then it began…
With little else to do but acknowledge thoughts and feelings that arise, I recalled my friend’s recent comment. “What is it about you and cutting the grass? There’s something more to that.”
As I considered that question I recognized how my father or my husband (now ex) had always cut the grass until now. Even when I did it, I was playfully seeking a change of pace from housework and offered. Needing to mow my own grass meant one thing to me: I no longer have a man taking care of me. Huh.
The mower coughed and sputtered, and I babied it until it resumed. I wondered what was wrong with it since I’d recently had it serviced by what I then discovered was a less than reputable shop.
As I continued mowing my rows, I thought about how our modern urban lifestyle leaves little occasion for us to reconnect with precious Mother Earth. When we do, it is to kill all we find growing naturally in ‘our’ plot of Her, plant grass, water like crazy, and then keep it evenly buzzed across the top like a small boy’s hair. Why did we begin deciding God didn’t plant well and we needed to redo everything? Why are we so disconnected from our planet?
The mower died again. I babied it back to life for a couple of rows, feeling frustrated with the repairman and seeing another new vulnerability sans father or husband. Men always fix these things. Or at least, we expect them to. That’s probably not any more fair than all the other expectations we put upon them to protect, provide, and do all those ‘man’ things for us. Who fixes their problems? Where do they go for protection? Do they feel safe? Appreciated?
One final cough and the mower died for good, despite numerous magic tricks and prayer attempts at resurrection. As I rolled it back into the garage until I could take it to a better repair shop, I gave thanks for my lawn, Mother Earth, and all the men who have fumbled their way through my magnificent expectations. I believe I’ll bring a bit more humility, encouragement, and help to my next relationship…and a new mower!
Yours in Spirit,
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