On the phone with my love discussing upcoming plans, we start talking about a day trip we have scheduled. I hear myself saying how I’d originally been excited to go but no longer feel it. No particular reason, I just don’t. I really need some time to rest during this busy season, but I can’t cancel now because I’ve already said I’d be there. I was surprised by what I heard next. “Yes you can! You have to take care of yourself first.”
This opens me to recognize how I was taught very young to honor my yeses. In every situation (even sexual…really? More residual incest stuff?), I have a belief that once it’s initiated there’s no turning back. If yes is said or implied, it is my responsibility to follow through. I can’t change my mind or other people will get hurt or upset. Now as I hear my love’s words, I know he’s right. I CAN change my mind! I can? Wow!
Next come waves of guilt. “But, what on earth will I say? What’s my good reason for backing out?”
He says, “You don’t need any reason at all. Something has come up and you can’t make it. It has. Your health!”
What? Can it be that simple? Whose permission do I need? Won’t the world end? <grin>
As I hear him, I see how easy it all is. The guilt and shame that has held me prisoner begins to crack and fall away. My headache is gone!
Yes, we can change our response. A yes can become a no in any minute that it becomes our truth. I’ve heard this before, but I guess I haven’t absorbed it as my own. Until now.
This blog invites you to absorb and own your right to say no in any moment, even after a yes. ..to own your right to change your mind…to embrace your right to pursue your own truth from moment to moment with no excuse to anyone.
Breathe that in. Exhale. Repeat. How does that feel?
If you are the one who has been expecting me this weekend, please accept my apology for it being so last minute, but also know that I must take care of myself. I have given you a yes as long as it was a yes, and now it is a no. Thank you so much for understanding.