Seventh grade was a horrifying time in my life. My teacher expelled me from school because I wouldn’t shut up in class (I know, go figure) and she called me uncontrollable and a bad influence. At the same time, her husband who pastored the affiliated church excommunicated our entire family and the couple told us to never set foot on the property again. It was horrifying for me at a level I still can’t describe to feel like I was so bad that the school, the church, and God (I then believed) wanted nothing to do with us. I’d done that to my whole family! They had never dug further to possibly discover or help us heal the pain we carried from incest, bankruptcy, and other family secrets.
The messages we hear in our childhood are strong and we believe them! My parents poured all they had into getting me into better schools to recover academically, though they themselves had not healed any of their emotional trauma and all they knew to teach me was how to stuff it down and walk with pride. All these experiences left me confused as to my value, purpose, and God’s love for me. I felt ashamed and hopeless inside, lost in the darkness of my reality. Outside, I earned the grades my parents wanted to graduate and move on my own, then I tried to numb myself with vices and later find myself through religion. My journey to peace has been a long and painful one filled with lessons that shape who I am which I would not trade for anything.
What messages did you hear in your childhood that you wish you hadn’t believed? How and when we choose to heal our childhood wounds is a personal decision. What I want to share is this: remember Who you are! We are all created of Divine energy, and a spark of that perfection and Divine Love lies within each of us. This “Spirit” lives outside our thoughts and feelings, often observing them from within us. Learning to honor and channel this Divine force (God) within our lives helps us to find great healing…and miracles happen. This is the path through which we access the rest of our life as a Journey of Possibilities.