This holiday season has been my happiest in many years.  Having lost my parents at the holidays in the 90s and then found myself in an unwanted divorce losing my spouse and stepchildren in the 2000s, I felt like a big orphan!  I initially stopped celebrating the holidays at all and retreated to South Texas to bird along the abandoned beaches each December.  My slow healing has finally brought me back to decorating my home, hosting gatherings, exchanging gifts, light-looking,  and even a quick jaunt to New York City with my sweetheart to experience for the first time the Macy’s Christmas windows and citywide Christmas magic.  It has been so refreshing to not have that wet blanket of grief on top of me!

A couple of days ago, I became increasingly congested until even my head and teeth hurt from the pressure.   I’m rarely sick these days, and having learned much about the link between emotions and the physical body along my shamanic healing path, I now see congestion as pent-up emotions.  No matter how much I tried, I could not find the source.  Then last night, I suddenly became so overwhelmed with grief that it felt like when I first experienced all this loss.

Grief is a deep ocean!  I felt as though I were alone in the world, even as I knew I wasn’t.  I could not stop the waves of deep sorrow and loneliness that flooded over me, missing my parents, missing the security they represented to me, and then missing the security I had felt in my marriage.  I felt insecure, even as I knew I was fine now.  The melancholy of all these contradictory feelings at the same time can be even more confusing and depressing!

When grief hits, it feels like it will consume me until there is nothing left.  It feels bigger than me.  Stronger than me.  I feel a sense of darkness and loneliness that I dread will overwhelm me.  I know that the only way to the other side is through the pain.  I ask a couple of people I love dearly to send Light and then I surrender.  I go in and allow myself to feel all that horrifying fear and sadness.  I cry with all of my heart.  Finally, and in much less time than I’d thought, the waves subside and I start feeling better.

Grief is like every other emotion.  It needs to be expressed.  If we stuff these feelings, they show up in other ways like sickness and unfulfilled possibilities.  In the aftermath of a very sad night, I am reminded that feelings don’t kill us, but not feeling them can!  I am slowly returning physically to my happy, healthy self and know I’ll be fine in time to enjoy the Christmas festivities this year.

Sending you love and Light especially in this season when so many of us are visited by grief.  May you move through your sadness to return to the Light and enjoy being alive in this magical time of year.

Namaste,

Sheryl Sitts, Founder

Journey of Possibilities ~ Living Holistic Spirituality

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