This is for those of us who are single. For those of us in romantic relationships who do not see ourselves reflected in greeting cards. For those of us between romances. Most of all, this is for those of us learning to love ourselves in a healthier, more balanced way first.

Every February 14, sales of flowers, cards, stuffed animals and dinners skyrocket. Social media channels are flooded with idyllic photos of couples that cause the rest of us to wonder how we haven’t yet achieved such a love. In truth, anyone can create a picture-perfect romance for five seconds to take a photo; the rest of the time, a very different story is unfolding.

Life is beautiful and messy at the same time. So is love. Divorce still happens as often as marriage.  Much of what we call “love” is actually a codependent dance involving fear, “need” and power(lessness). We sacrifice sex for security. We jump from infatuation to infatuation and think it is love. We have not yet learned to love ourselves “warts and all” so we don’t know how to love another that way.

Every external relationship is a reflection of how we relate to ourselves. Those things that trigger us in others are in fact unloved parts of ourselves. We move through life attracting and manifesting that which we are most ready to see in our own evolutionary journeys. Relationships are physical playgrounds to learn about self-love, self-care and continue our journey toward unconditional love.

This Valentine’s Day, rather than getting all swept up in the fanfare, let’s take a few moments to look in the mirror. Not with the ego, but with the heart. Let’s look deep into our own eyes and observe what we feel. Let’s make a commitment to ourselves to love ourselves every day and create new habits that show ourselves the compassion, forgiveness, nurturing and dedication we so deeply want and deserve. Only when we learn to fill our own cup with that which we erroneously seek outside ourselves will we finally recognize our inherent wholeness. Achieving that unconditional love within ourselves, it will flow forth to create a true heaven on earth.

Sheryl Sitts, MPA, BA, Speaker/Broadcaster, Writer & Facilitator