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How Working Towards An Ideal Body Almost Killed Me and Why My Goal Now Is Health

scale-403585_960_720Adopted by petite parents and raised in a culture that idealizes Barbie-like women, I went to great lengths to try and get my body there.  I tried fad diets, weight loss pills and drinks, extreme exercise, and even speed and cocaine in an effort to shrink and tone my larger body and find that allusive happiness.  After nearly dying from an accidental overdose, I still tried the occasional fad diet and pushed myself to injury at the gym to try and look a certain way.  It was never about health.  I was driven by insecurity not love.  Not only did I not love my body, I hated it!  (There were many reasons for this, but that’s a topic for another blog.)

Looking around me, I see plenty of people who look great and then have a heart attack, stroke, or develop cancer.  Is looking good really the most important thing?  Or isn’t there something bigger and more important at stake?

A couple of years ago, I decided to really delve into this body hatred of mine.  As a part of my own personal healing journey, I made a conscious choice that in all things concerning my body, I would only act from a place of self-love.  If my motive is not self-love, I won’t do it.  No more pushing through workouts driven by the hope that I might finally be good enough, thin enough, or pretty enough.  No more restrictive eating from a place of fear and deprivation.  In an era of rediscovering the transformational power of intention, I know that my reason for doing things – my intention – is the most important part of all!

i-love-myself-417267_960_720My intention is now health and love, beginning with loving myself and coming through that place to love every other.  For someone who’s never lived this way, being in the unknown or the ‘void’ can definitely be daunting and uncomfortable.  Nothing feels familiar and I’m creating myself in every moment.  Still, it’s a huge relief not to be beating myself up, and not to be beaten up by myself!   “Not-enoughness” is no longer in charge here.  This is a journey into what love…my own love feels like, what it feels like to work out and feel the strength of my body respond, to see the miraculous beauty of the human body in every shape and size.  It’s incredible to begin leaning into a place of knowing that I am enough simply because I am.  I am learning to enjoy healthier foods in their own right and to pay attention to how they actually feel in my body versus how processed or junk foods feel.  It’s different asking my body what foods it wants to eat rather than my taste buds always having their way.  Still, I do enjoy having some of the foods my taste buds like without without feeling guilty or “bad”.  I am allowing the totality of myself and seeking balance, rather than restricting and constricting myself.

It is my philosophy that we incarnate for many reasons, and one of our greatest perks is the opportunity to experience everything with full sensation and awareness.  (Whether we choose to be conscious throughout the experience is up to our individual free will from moment to moment.)   I want to be healthy and happy AND to experience both decadent and healthy foods, relaxation and exercise, playing with the lesson of balance in all things as I embrace the totality of my beingness.  That is what self-love means to me.


Sheryl Sitts, MPA, BA, ONE-TLC Transformational Life Coach, Reiki Drumming & Toning Practitioner

Founder ~ Journey of Possibilities

Sheryl’s Blog


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