In Genital Herpes: Moving Past the Pain, Shame and Silence, Part I, I explore some of the shame and guilt I have felt in being infected with and carrying genital herpes for most of my life.  I also discuss natural treatments for pain relief and suppressing the outbreaks.  I propose a paradigm shift from feeling victimized by herpes to learning to love ourselves through it.

Genital herpes is not about the person who infected us.  It’s not about the lovers we didn’t tell…or even the ones we did.  I spent many years stuck in my anger, guilt, shame, and betrayal.  There is no healing there.  Herpes isn’t about them.  It’s about us.

My current love and life partner began his own healing journey alongside mine years ago as my best friend.  We don’t have secrets.  He is the first man with whom I feel completely comfortable discussing all of me…including my genital herpes.  Last year as I suffered a very painful outbreak, he gently mentioned to me that I speak about herpes like an external invader who comes and attacks me during outbreaks.  He reminded me that herpes is a part of me now, and I might benefit from learning to love that part of me, too.  What???  Love my herpes?  I told myself he just doesn’t understand.  However, I have come to understand and embrace that approach since then.  I did not consciously want or ask for herpes, but now it is a part of me, and my spiritual healing journey is about learning to love all of me as a Divine BEing.  Alternately, if I disown that part of me, I am resisting it, and ‘what we resist persists’.

I can choose to look at my experience outside the role of victim or perpetrator.  I can see that I am a fallible human doing my best at any given time, and most other people are, too.  I don’t believe anyone ever set out to infect me with a virus that would cause me pain.  I own my responsibility in having sex without a condom.  In the end, this is my journey of forgiving myself and forgiving my partners.  It’s interesting that I used to withhold forgiveness from myself and others unless I felt it was deserved.  What a crock!  Forgiveness is the house where peace lives….my peace!

Alongside forgiveness, compassion is another important component of self-love.  Being gentle with myself through outbreaks (and daily life) is a beautiful way to love myself.  Ironically, the most painful herpes outbreaks taught me some habits of self-love I now embrace frequently.  I love long, warm soaking baths and meditating in the tub.  Rubbing oils on uncomfortable or dry parts of my body.  Eating good foods with nutrients that build up my vitality to minimize illness or outbreaks.  Remembering to take my vitamins and supplements.  Nature walks.  Rest.  Nurturing compassion is self-love in action.

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I was blessed recently with a call from a dear woman suffering with herpes who was afraid to tell her partner for fear he would leave her.  I propose that the one we are most afraid of abandoning us is not actually the other whom we love, but rather our self! Often we feel that we let ourselves down when we chose the partner that gave us herpes, or even in the decisions we made since then that we may regret. Ironically, it is that very line of thinking that keeps us stuck in guilt, shame and silence.  Millions of carriers have outbreaks and suffer around the world in silence and shame, each feeling alone!  In this moment (which is the only one we really have) we can choose not to suffer in silent shame.  We can begin to forgive and love ourselves and stand in our truth with our partners.  Seriously, if they leave over this, how strong is the relationship? Step #1 is believing that we are Divine BEings worthy of and deserving of love and respect – and it begins with giving that to ourselves!  Standing in that place and flooding yourself with love and compassion changes everything! 

Enough struggling.  Enough surviving.  I want you to thrive!  If I can help you in your journey of self-awareness and transformation, please comment below  or contact me privately for a coaching session or two and you’ll soon be on your way to creating the life and love you really, really want!

With love, Light, and much gratitude,

Sheryl Sitts, MPA, BA, Certified Coach & Vibrational Healing Practitioner

Founder, Journey Of Possibilities