Gathering with family at the holidays is stressful for many of us. We love them and yet it seems they can ‘push our buttons’ faster than anyone else. I get it! We spend so much time and energy thinking of them, shopping for them, cooking, cleaning, traveling, and swearing we’ll do it all better this year. Then we get together and before we know it, here we go again! Alcohol, drugs, and dysfunctional communication only escalate things. How on earth do we cope…and why do we even bother?
I’ve come to believe we actually created this story line with our soul family before we were ever born. Why on earth would we do such a thing? To bring about our mutual growth and healing. I know this may sound outrageous, but play along for a moment. Yes, I’m saying that we actually wrote all of this for ourselves, even and especially the nasty parts, so we could grow certain aspects of ourselves. We can be told all day long to love ourselves and to be true to ourselves, but who learns this more deeply than the abused child who grows up to heal those wounds and break the cycle for his/her own sake and the generations who follow? We can be told that we don’t need money to be happy, but how better to learn it than to being raised by parents believing we need it and being destroyed by its pursuit, and then choosing and discovering a deeper happiness for ourselves? Whatever the circumstance, our greatest discoveries in life come directly because of, or in spite of, our circumstances and families growing up. (You’ll love how this is explored in the children’s book Little Soul in the Sun by Neale Donald Walsh.
Along this journey, we get so angry at those who bring lessons that feel like they cut deepest into our hearts. We get so mad…so hurt! We want to shut them out. Sometimes that is even necessary and helpful for a while, until we come to the place in our lives where we know our heart is ready to heal and grow. Then, we can either rise to the challenge as we’d planned or not. When and if is our free will, our birthright, and if we don’t we simply come back and try it again next lifetime. A soul is eternal, and has as long as it takes to get there. Karma is what we collect along the way, and those negative experiences we agree to live through to grow often have past karma wrapped in them. Karma isn’t about punishment; it is about experiencing what we impose on others so we can feel it, know it, and decide consciously whether to do it again or not in the future. It’s all about learning and growing. (For more on all of this, visit White Eagle Lodge.)
As I have been healing my own life path lessons, some extremely harsh and painful, I have shifted from a place of believing I am right and someone else is wrong, someone is to blame and someone is a victim. I feel that everyone is exactly where they’re at in their life and soul journey, and it is up to me to discover my own deep inner truth and honor that. Sometimes we can feel guilty because we are no longer doing what mom or dad want(ed) us to do, or we don’t fit into the dysfunctional family system as we once did, and so be it. They don’t need to change for us to be happy, we do. What better time than this residual solstice energy for us to let go of acting out of guilt or shame, and honor our own unique, individual truth from a place of love toward ourselves and all others. How others take that is about them, not us. If we come from love, they will accept it, or not.
It’s also a great time to be with our family, while we have them alive to share, and see the love they hold for us, whatever broken language they know to communicate it in. Seeing the love rather than all that guilt and blame allows us to acknowledge how loved we are, something we miss when we spend all of our time judging them. Can t we love them back in our own language of being exactly who we were truly born to be? One day we may even feel grateful to them for teaching us those painful lessons we asked them to teach us so we could become the amazing people we are today! That is definitely a process…a journey.
As our global community celebrates Christmas, Hanukkah, and soon Kwanzaa, I wish you and yours a very joyous and heartfelt holiday! May you see the deep and abiding miracle of love that binds you all…us all together.
Namaste and much love,