The Truth About Success and Failure

Do you ever find you’re getting sucked into seeing yourself as society views you?  A lean body is success; excess weight is failure.  Money in the bank marks success; low funds denote failure. Being involved with someone romantically is success, while being alone indicates failure.  There’s no end to these examples, and even if we usually disagree with them, we may give them a little too much consideration during moments of weakness or insecurity.  Once that begins, it’s a slippery slope downward until we struggle to even find hope in our gloom…even though all that’s really changed is our perception.

Since launching Journey of Possibilities, I’ve experienced setbacks, dry spells, times I felt more like I was moving in reverse than going forward, and even times others may have viewed as complete failures.  I suppose my recent decision to cancel Illumination Houston 2013 may be seen that way by some.   This roller coaster ride prompts me to blog about what I’ve been learning:

• Success and failure are relative, and our social measures for that change every few decades.  In truth, I’m highly successful in emotional and spiritual growth, happiness, and clarity.  I’m more focused and know myself better than ever.   My relationships are richer, and my experiences more fulfilling than I’d dreamed possible.  Materialism has never given me the joy I’ve had this past year, although my increasing financial success will now be enjoyed with a new level of gratitude.
• There is no shortage of people ready to criticize, discourage, redirect, and (mis)guide you.  Ignore them; these are not successful people.  Successful, happy people help others achieve the same.  They do not belittle others to feel better about themselves.  Insecure people do that.
• Contrary to popular media, many good people exist.  I’ve been supported and encouraged by complete strangers with such heart and spirit I feel honored to meet them.  Rest assured this world is in many good hands, whether you hear about them on the news or not.
• Every up and down strengthens us and shows us what is and isn’t important.  We learn gradually to ‘let go and let God’, and gain much clarity around what we do and don’t have control over.  We learn to work better with others and trust.  Aren’t these beautiful lessons learned through ‘failure’?
• Meditation and prayer are survival tools.  When the judgments of the world begins to eat away at our confidence and strength, finding cracks in our armor and chipping away at us, meditation and prayer center and ground us again while showing us how meaningless people’s opinions and judgments really are.  Following our Divine Path never misleads us, yet an earthly perspective suggests otherwise.   Beware heeding that and changing course; the prize is likely around the next corner.
• When we’re willing to let go of the big thing we have our eye on and trust God, we are then shown what a really big prize looks like! This does NOT happen until we have heard the call and taken our leap of faith.

Illumination Houston 2013 may be cancelled…for now…but Journey of Possibilities is becoming more successful every day.   We are excited about our new projects and can’t wait to share all of this with you.  Thanks for joining us on this Journey!

Namaste and much love,

Sheryl Sitts

How Massage, Reiki, and the Like Can Improve Health…Even Save Lives!

Until a couple of years ago, I believed the widely advertised philosophy that if I simply “eat right, exercise, and see my doctor regularly”, I will live to a healthy old age.  While that may be good and well, I simply couldn’t get there from here.  The more I tried and fell short of that ideal, the worse I felt about myself.  The reality is that for the thousands of us carrying inside us some form of unresolved trauma (verbal/physical/sexual abuse, broken families, absent parent/spouse, divorce, death, impact of war on family, addiction, eating disorders), that is nothing more than a nice ideal we can’t achieve.  Then I discovered the power of massage and reiki in tandem with other healing forms.

I know that I carry anger and fear in my stomach.  I remember years of stomach aches beginning in childhood whenever I felt angry or scared and it wasn’t ‘safe’ to express it.  That reserve just kept growing over the years, and once I began to work through it, I would reached plateaus when progress seemed to slow or stop.  Massage, reiki and other ways of moving energy really helped me break through those barriers.

If we look at ancient cultural beliefs and even our own scientific research into how emotions and thoughts impact physical matter (like  Dr. Emoto’s work with water), we can see that  energy such as that accumulated in my stomach over the years (eventually turning into disease)  benefits from help breaking it up and guiding it into other areas of the body.   This is true for any chakra area where we have stored unexpressed emotions. Working to move energy in that region helps realign that energy power center and restore flow to support more balanced living and health.

When we restore flow throughout our bodies, what was previously a challenge (eating right, exercising, and regular exams) becomes a core desire in self-love and care.  We learn to truly love our bodies again and care for them more automatically.  So you can see that this is about more than just managing stress, the most popularly cited reason people seek massages.  Consider restoring the flow in your own body today.  You and those you love will be delighted.

Namaste and much love,

Sheryl Sitts, Chief Inspirational Officer

Journey of Possibilities ~ Inviting you to Illumination Houston 2013, Lighting the World One Soul at a Time!

Don’t Take It Personally – Really!

“What you think of me is none of my business.” Terry Cole-Whittaker

“Don’t take anything personally.” Don Miguel Ruiz 

What? If someone is rude to me I’m not supposed to take it personally?  When my mother or daughter, father or son hurts me, I’m not supposed to get upset?  The boss blows up in my face and it’s his problem?  Oh, and here’s my favorite – when my boyfriend/husband or girlfriend/wife says something to me in anger that really feels like it cuts me in half, that’s ok?  It’s MY problem?

I’d heard this before and thought it absurd.  My family had its share of alcoholics and codependency, so this whole concept felt outrageous to me.  We hurt each other all the time with words, and I know that pain was very real!

Years ago I was in a serious relationship that was falling apart despite all my best efforts.  Then, a friend suggested I read Women Who Love Too Much.  A couple of years later I read Codependent No More, and later down my path the powerful book The Four Agreements.  All of these helped me understand that other people do the best they can with what they know.  They love us in their way.  The behave according to their experiences and interpretations.    No matter how much something they do hurts us, they would do the same thing to anyone else in that situation because it’s what they know.  Often, they are treating us as good as they possibly know to given their understanding of what’s happening and how to handle it.

So, where does that leave us?  On our own healing path of understanding that nothing anyone else says or does is personal.  Whether they think we’re wonderful or horrible, brilliant or stupid, beautiful or ugly, all of that is just their opinion!  We didn’t create it and we can’t fix it.

Only we can choose the people we fill our daily lives with and the reality that creates for us.  Only we can decide then that nothing anyone says or does is personal.  Their judgment of us is not reality.  It is quite simply THEIR OPINION.  It also has nothing to do with how THEY FEEL about us.

Replacing our foundation with this and beginning the journey to align ourselves and our thoughts and feelings to this is nothing short of life-changing.  It is, in my humble opinion, a transformational journey that is well worth taking!

Namaste and much love,

Sheryl Sitts, Chief Inspirational Officer

Journey of Possibilities

Why THIS Dysfunctional Family?

The Celestine Prophecy is an entertaining and enlightening book that is even more enjoyable for those on a path of self-discovery.  In the chapter called Clearing the Past, the main character is invited to view his parents and childhood in a unique way.  Rather than getting hung up on what was good or bad, right or wrong,  he applies a blame-free framework to discover how his life perfectly prepared him to this point for his passion.  Using prompting questions from  The Celestine Prophecy, An Experiential Guide I applied these principles to my own life and found it very interesting.

Many people believe, as do I, that we repeatedly reincarnate with other souls into different characters to learn various life lessons.  (If you are interested, there is a great children’s book on this called  The Little Soul in the Sun by Neale Donald Walsh.)   In The Celestine Prophecy, the main character is invited to look closely at what each of his parents stood for by reviewing their lives, and then examine what purpose he may have come here for that he chose to be born of those parents into those circumstances.  He was told, “…the real you began in a position between (your Mom’s and your Dad’s) truths…you were born there to take a higher perspective on what they stood for.”

When I looked at my own life, my first observation was the themes that dominated my childhood:  sex, money, religion, education, and government.  I saw how my Mom represented one extreme on these issues while my father took a generally opposite view.  For example, one lived in terror that we’d run out of money while the other pursued dreams and knew we would be fine.  One was spiritual but abhorred religion yet the other made sure I was able to visit every kind of religion in our area that I might choose one.  I see now how POWER and CONTROL are used in every one of those themes.  I recognize how the roles of bully, victim, and martyr shifted around the family depending on the topic and stance of the conversation.   Other family members and friends also got involved.

The central theme was how people give power to others and take power away from them using sex, money, religion,education,  and politics.  I had a perfect training ground to watch this play out in childhood with family and then watch it play out much rougher in “the real world” in later years.  Now as I finally go deep enough into my exploration and healing to stand outside of the drama, I see clearly that we are all born filled with a Divine power and strength untouchable by man.  Even when we are victimized as small children, there is nothing anyone here can do to diminish our deepest power or break our invincible spirit.  We have all that we ever need at birth, and the rest of this is just a school to teach us that.  Truly, our only occupation here is to love one another and enjoy this beautiful playground rather than getting all caught up in fighting over toys or sandbox territory.

I invite you to explore your life and lineage in a similar way. I would love to hear your comments, questions, or concerns!

Namaste,

Sheryl Sitts

Founder & Chief Inspirational Officer

Journey of Possibilities                 If not NOW…when?

We All Truly Deserve to be Happy

Astrological forecasts predicted that these past few weeks would involve digging up old wounds and healing them, and boy were they right.  It seems we must all do that to really transcend our old junk and discover a new life and real joy.  Since I’m not  one to give in easily, I had to try every possible means of avoidance before becoming fed up enough with the old and familiar to truly surrender this year.  I’m certainly thankful, for it’s been the best gift I’ve ever given myself.

I’ve had to go through endless dates, boyfriends, a couple of fiancés (both amazing men I didn’t believe I deserved), and one very patient husband, before admitting when I found myself alone AGAIN that I simply MUST do this work.  If I don’t heal, I can’t give love at that level, nor can I receive the beautiful love I know I deserve.

I’ve had to realize my deepest fears about money to acknowledge that no amount feels secure.  By really feeling deeply in my heart that God, not money, has always been my true provider, I can be free to follow the path my heart knows to be my Divine possibility and know that God will continue to provide for me as ever.  That has become invaluable in times when my limited eyes and mind can’t see that coming.  Sure enough, god always comes through!

Speaking of God, I’ve had to extract the Divine from all forms of man-made religion and rules to assemble the pieces that feel true to me.   Only then has it been possible to discover a church that reflects my deepest core beliefs, for the Divine Law of Attraction promises that we manifest all that we believe and focus on.  Now I have a beautiful spiritual family here on earth.  More importantly, I can truly see that God has never abandoned me; man did.

I’ve come to see how my mother protected me to a very unhealthy extreme because of the pain she herself had endured…and a deep, deep love for me.  That beautiful unique love drove her desire…her need to shelter me from experiencing such pain, although her efforts were futile and I resented them in my youth.  Healing that allows me to see how I did the same in my efforts to parent my stepchildren, particularly my (step)daughter.  I can now share my realizations and apologies, and maybe she’ll recognize how healing the pains of her childhood is the best way possible to protect the next generation.

What we resist persists.  In each of us, the best way we can reach out to help and heal others is indeed to help and heal ourselves.  The healing energy radiates outward and others are healed and guided to healing simply by the love that we project.  No matter how distracted we may keep ourselves for a time in work, play, family, sex, video games, shopping, religion, etc, the truth is always there waiting for us just beneath the surface.  There is so much healing help around, and I would love to help connect you with some if you feel so inclined.  Let’s not put it off our own authentic joy any longer!

Namaste,

Sheryl Sitts
Founder & Chief Inspirational Officer
Journey of Possibilities

How We Disagree (Words Can Hurt!)

What do disagreements sound like in your family?  Do they turn into horrible screaming matches where you are reminded of every wrong you’ve ever done?  Do you walk away scared, ashamed, or embarrassed?  Do you feel loved?

As I’ve shared, I come from a family in which alcoholism dated back to…the dinosaurs?  Anyway, because they didn’t often drink (my folks were a shopaholic and a workaholic), I didn’t understand until my 20s and 30s that we had the same broken communication patterns, and those are especially evident during arguments.  Insults, digging up old disagreements and rehashing them, yelling louder and louder to ‘win’, the idea that someone wins and someone loses, suggesting that not seeing things my way (opinion) means you are stupid (fact), one person allowing insecurities to fuel jealousy that they take out on another person who didn’t do anything to bring them about in the first place…does any of this sound like your family, too?  No one agreed to disagree or tried to learn something new from another disagreeing with them, they simply felt threatened and yelled louder until the other gave up or broke down, which meant the loudest person had finally ‘won’.  How painful!!!  Besides, when everyone in a loving family is hurt, scared, and defeated, how can anyone be a ‘winner’?  Aren’t these the people who are supposed to have our backs no matter what, be in our corner, be on our team?

When there is physical abuse, there are physical signs and we can seek legal action and get protection.  However, we may go years, or even a lifetime, without healing the effects of hurtful, destructive words said to us by loved ones in the heat of an argument.  There are no restraining orders for broken hearts and bruised egos, or destroyed self-esteem, yet they surely shape our lives every day moving forward until we heal that hurt.  We take those broken communication patterns and that win/lose, smart/dumb, right/wrong attitude with us into every relationship, picking the same types of partners, and wonder in the end why that one doesn’t work out either.

Today I simply want to share a very strong reminder that you deserve to love and be loved in a way that builds you and the other person up, so that each of you becomes MORE, not less, of yourselves.  That love begins with loving and healing ourselves so that we can approach others as a whole person and end the cycle of punishing others for our own insecurities and incompleteness.  You deserve to love and grow and heal!

For me, this has not been a weekend retreat or a year alone to heal 30 or 40. It is instead a lifelong process that starts with some deep work and then continues as I grow and change, and more of myself is revealed to me.  However, the Journey to self is our greatest Journey of Possibilities, with God as our navigator loving us through every step of the way.  A good book that helped me begin to open and may do the same for you is Your Sacred Self by Dr. Wayne Dyer.

Our parents loved us and raised us the best way they knew.  They were operating within the boundaries of their own family of origin, knowledge, and experiences.  Now it’s up to us to begin here and make our life the best experience possible.  I will admit to having walked through a lot of pain to get where I am.  I will also promise you it’s worth every step along the way to get to a place where I can experience this level of immense joy and love!  I don’t need anyone to complete me but God; I am complete and I feel complete.  Others enhance facets of my life, and this is how relationships should be.  Our disagreements allow me to learn from them an expanded way to view the world and all in it, and we love one another regardless of whether we agree or not.  No more personal insults, painful jabs, or destroyed self esteems.  We build one another up and understand that is how it should be.  I pray that in sharing this with you today you will talk to someone, find a meeting, open a book like Your Sacred Self, and finally begin the most precious Journey you will ever take!  Above all, I know that you matter and you deserve it.

Namaste,

Sheryl Sitts, Founder & Chief Inspirational Officer

Journey of Possibilities

Who, Me?

Who am I to charge that much?  Who am I to stand up to that person?  Who am I to think I’m an ‘expert’ consultant?  Who am I to walk away from this seemingly good job or relationship and think I can do better?  That I DESERVE better?  Who do I think I am?

From the bully in grade school to the domineering boss or spouse in life, we are challenged to find our voice and say ‘no’ or walk away, while our little ‘Who, me?’ demon is screaming inside, “What do you think you’re doing?  Who do you think you are?”

It seems throughout life we face down this question over and over, sometimes with more at stake (opening our own business, taking a stand in our own families) than others.  The core issue, however, is always about us.  Who do we think we are?  When this question arises within us, it is a good time to really examine it and our almost automatic, unnoticed emotional responses.

Do we think we’re somehow less than others?  Unworthy of asking, teaching, telling?  Or do we think that we were born with the same inalienable rights as the next person to our own safety, happiness, abundance, and joy?  Beyond that, have we gained additional insight from experiences, and knowledge or training, that make us even more valuable than another in certain areas?

In that moment, we can stand in our Divine Self, worthy by virtue of our own presence, and know our value is in fact immeasurable!  We can gratefully smile, appreciating all that we are, and respond with love and confidence in our knowledge that any challenge to our value is merely their misunderstanding, shortsightedness, or fear, and not about us at all.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.  Live the life you have imagined.” Henry David Thoreau

Yours in Spirit,

Sheryl Sitts, Founder & Chief Inspirational Officer

Journey of Possibilities

Love, Addiction, and the Space Where God Belongs

No matter how hard I try, it seems like our relationship just doesn’t work.  He doesn’t seem as interested in me anymore.  We don’t have as much in common as we used to.  We aren’t as physical as we once were.  We argue and fight over stupid stuff.   He’d rather work, go fishing or out with friends, or play on the computer than spend time with me.   I feel empty inside…maybe this diet or that new outfit or this drink or that drug will make me feel better.  The broken cycle that is now my life repeats and repeats and I feel more and more alone and hopeless.  Does any of this sound familiar to you?

Some recovery programs describe it as a hole inside that we try to fill.  That’s as good an analogy as any.  There is an emptiness that temporarily feels better when we find a new love,  buy ourselves something new, or numb out.  Then reality hits and we scramble to feel good again through relationships and/or addictions.

My conscious choice many years ago to begin finding help and making a better life for myself has been a slow, amazing, painful, beautiful journey filled with discoveries.  The most important thing I can share with you concerns that hole we keep trying to fill.   I know now that no good can come from putting people or habits in the space where God belongs!

Rather than the pleasures and pains of that broken cycle, God brings a new Light that gives us deep permanent Peace.  We simply know that everything will be alright and that we are loved no matter what happens.  This Divine unconditional Love defines us!  While the highs are beyond  anything we’ve ever experienced, the dark lows are also gone forever.  In the moments when things again seem to be shifting out of control, we can look to see what or who we are putting in the space where God belongs.   Staying centered through God allows us to finally discover and explore life as our own personal Journey of Possibilities!

Yours in Faith,

Sheryl Sitts, Founder & Chief Inspirational Officer

Journey of Possibilities

Conflict Resolution Intro – Changing Them Starts With Changing Us

Nothing hurts worse than arguments with or between the people we love the most.  It doesn’t matter if it’s with a lover, best friend, parent, or child, words said in anger cut deeper than anything.  Sometimes tears themselves can be a insult to the depth of this pain, and before long we’re so caught up in hurt, anger, and drama that we have no idea how to stop the madness.  Underneath our growing frustration, rage, confusion, and pain, we’re terrified.  These are the people who mean more to us than anything in the world.  How can I stop them?  What would other people think if they knew how ugly this gets sometimes?  What if it doesn’t stop…or gets worse?  What if I lose the person I love and end up…alone?!

Isn’t this why we try to avoid conflict?  Maybe if I don’t say anything, we won’t have another blowup.  That’s it.  I’ll be the peacekeeper and just bite my tongue about how I feel.  If I don’t set them off, it’ll stop.  If anybody else around here wants to start fighting, I’ll just stay quiet so it doesn’t get worse, and when it’s over, I’ll be the sounding board for them and make sure they know I love them.  Anything to keep from fueling things!  After a while, we realize things aren’t getting any better.  It’s like responding to a serious injury by draping a tissue over it;  all wounds, physical and emotional, only get worse until they are properly treated.

I dated this guy for several years on and off again throughout my early 20s.  What had begun as a fun relationship was deteriorating with too many arguments and round-the-clock partying.  One day after an ugly argument about how beer was not a breakfast food (trust me, it wasn’t funny), a coworker noticed I was upset and pulled me aside.  She invited me to join her after work, assuring me it would help.  When asked later to introduce myself to the small group and tell them about my relationship, I replied, “I’m Sheryl and I’m here to figure out how to make my boyfriend stop…”

Surprisingly interrupted by empathetic laughter, I sensed I was in the right place and that I wasn’t alone.  The first news wasn’t so hopeful:  the only ones we can change are ourselves.  I wasn’t the one with the temper or a drinking problem!  Nonetheless, the next thing I heard began the steady, healing transformation of my life:  when WE change, EVERYTHING changes!

Imagine a couple dancing on the floor and one stops.  Can the other dance?  What happens next?  They sit a while?  They leave?  How long before…they TALK?  Questions begin.  What happened?  Why did you stop?  What’s the matter?

If any of your personal relationships are in turmoil right now, try something.  The next time conflict arises, or you avoid it, try watching yourself as a fascinated stranger might from nearby.  Observe yourself in the situation and then take a behind-the-scenes look at your own private thoughts and feelings.  Just watch without judgment.  What do you want to say but choose not to?  What do say but wish you didn’t?  When that scene passes, go someplace quiet and privately write about what you saw and felt.

In the weeks ahead, I will post blogs and videos to share communication tips for managing conflict in an effort to help you find peace within yourself and your home.  If you are in any physical danger or someone in your home is physically abusive, please find the nearest Women’s Center or Women’s Shelter (see http://www.thehotline.org/).  My tips are not intended as counseling or a replacement for counseling.  Please consider supplementing this with peer support at 12-step meetings and/or professional counseling.

Yours in this Journey,

Sheryl Sitts

Founder & CIO (Chief Inspirational Officer)

Journey of Possibilities

Healing Spaces

Life sure can knock us down…low! At one point several years ago, I actually walked out of a well-paying professional job at which I was doing well and moved myself to an island. Stressed out and depressed, grieving the loss of my parents, new marriage struggling, I was hurting. This was just the sort of irrationally desperate move in which we surprise even ourselves! All I really knew for sure was that I couldn’t keep doing what I’d been doing anymore. It was only in this state that I finally gave myself the time and space I needed to heal. It was only in this place that I nurtured myself with endless walks on the beach. It was only through this move that I discovered I really was self-sufficient beyond my successful career. I lived on the barter system and met others on the island who’d arrived in similar condition. There was a large movement of healing in this community I soon discovered and connected into. That energy was so powerful! I participated in sweat lodges. I danced with scarves on the beach with a silver haired native American angel. I went back to school. I had an amazing time renewing myself! All of this was made possible because I had finally surrendered and sought healing.

Later in my life, I was again facing loss when I took a retail job at an outdoor recreational store. Not clear why I was shifting to retail, I soon realized that I had been drawn to another healing space to connect with nature and others in pain.  Several coworkers from across the country had been drawn there from a myriad of experiences and were searching for their own healing and Purpose. Not only did we create wonderful bonds and memories, but together we went into nature to beautify, conserve, educate, and enjoy. Once again, sharing nature with kindred healing spirits strengthened and healed me.

Healing spaces are so vital to our happiness and growth! When we find ourselves grieving painful loss, we are more vulnerable and open than at any other times in our life. When we surrender, we find ourselves Divinely guided to people and places that facilitate our healing. When we don’t surrender, we find ourselves quickly getting lost in alcohol, work, shopping, drugs, food, and any other distractions we can find to avoid the pain. Ultimately, walking through the pain is the only path to healing, so how much better to face it now than to add addiction recovery and making amends to our healing process later!

One word of warning about healing spaces: know when to leave them. Such comforting places do not inspire us to move on when our healing time is passed. When the time is right, we must leave or we will not achieve our potential made possible by that healing.   Maintain the beautiful friendships formed there. Visit the healing space for renewal. However, as Master Yoda would say, leave we must. Our final gift is to pay forward the love and healing we’ve experienced to those we meet who suffer. It is also to nudge along those who are ready to fly but afraid to leave the healing space themselves. In seeing us fly, we inspire them. A cycle is completed and we have ourselves become a healing space for others.