Never Settle

Published by Sheryl Sitts under Career,Relationships on May 30, 2011

Good ol’ Mom (RIP) used to say these words to me about marriage.  I’d discuss a boyfriend with whom things were getting serious, and she’d teach me to distinguish between traits that are less important and those that define the essence and character of a person.  When discussing the latter, she engrained into me to “never settle”.  So powerful was this message that I recall looking deep inside on that sleepless night before my wedding to be sure I had no doubts and was not settling on the values that meant the most to me.

A friend of mine and I were recently discussing another perspective for living life:  “expect nothing”.  At first horrified by the sound of that, I now understand that he means we should not expect anything in order to receive all that is, just as it is.  That does not contrast with “never settle”, and in fact it helps us clarify in every relationship whether the other person possesses that which we value most, and how much we actually make each others lives better.

There is no judgement in saying that a person is or is not right for us, or a relationship does or does not work.  It is much like cooking and trying different spices together to determine which spice bring out the potential of a dish.  We must keep in mind that God dreams a bigger dream for us than we dream for ourselves and God will fulfill dreams.  By settling for a partner or spouse who is not our best match, we no longer leave an opening for our best match to enter when we do encounter him/her.  That is a high price for settling.

You may be thinking that it takes more than one spice to bring out the potential in a dish.  So true!  This is why “never settle” applies to much more than one relationship in our life.  Expecting one partner to be our everything is not only unrealistic, but it strains a relationship with pressure that is unhealthy and may ultimately break it.  Having quality friends, work, hobbies, etc. completes our lives much as those important secondary spices enrich a recipe. That is why in all facets of our life we should “never settle”.   Life is a bountiful buffet not to be consumed in mass, but to receive in gratitude, then carefully selecting that which enriches and fulfills us at our deepest level.

Sheryl Sitts

Journey of Possibilities

www.JourneyOfPossibilities.com

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The Power of Living Vulnerably

Published by Sheryl Sitts under Career,Death / Loss,Divorce,Faith / Religion,Goals,Health / Wellness,Prayer / Meditation,Relationships on May 28, 2011

Losing my mother to cancer was one of the most difficult experiences of my life.  Having just returned from my honeymoon, I went from a great emotional high to the most painful low overnight.  After the funeral, I wondered how I would return to host my call-in radio show when my boss gently advised that I simply be real and share whatever I was feeling openly at the level I was comfortable doing so.   I was so raw that it was surprisingly easy for me to drop my human concern for appearances  and be open about my feelings, specifically my intense pain and regret.  What happened next was the most healing experience of love pouring in from those I’d encouraged in prior months.  The vast and often impersonal city of Houston wrapped its arms around me as cards, letters, and calls helped me work through the overwhelming emotions I had and move on with my life.

All too often, we worry about keeping up an image or impressing others with our strength, credentials, or professionalism.  We learn to “suck it up” amidst adversity or pain, putting walls between ourselves and others.  We connect on a more superficial level while staying safely obscured.  Ironically, then we wonder why we no cannot find the deep joy or intimacy we crave, for that is the price we pay to risk nothing and remain “safe”.  Keeping others at arm’s length is an act of ego, not of spirit.

We never know what is possible when we connect with another person vulnerably and authentically with an open heart.  As I open myself more and more to what is possible in every interaction with others, miracles happen!  My life is deeper, more significant, and I see how this unlocks the potential to make dreams come true – ours and other people’s.

Sheryl Sitts

Journey of Possibilities

www.journeyofpossibilities.com

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Why Care What Others Think?

Published by Sheryl Sitts under Faith / Religion,Goals,Prayer / Meditation,Relationships on May 23, 2011